Election Betting.com

1. ITV’s coverage of political events is largely dreadful. If anyone had leaned against the set it would have fallen over

2. At the next debate, when David Cameron asks “Which family hasn’t had to save money [in the recent financial crisis]”, someone in the audience needs to yell “YOURS!”

3. A party leader finishing a sentence that would ordinarily command applause standing back to hear absolutely nothing (thanks to the gigantic rule book that governs these debates) is a little bit strange

4. Gordon Brown should probably drop the ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ gags

5. The next time ITV host a political debate, they might as well get Fern Britton to do it, as she can’t be any less competent than Alistair Stewart

6. The whole shebang needs a swimwear round about half way through….

7. ….or the studio audience need to give the party leaders marks out of 12 in both French and English in the second half of the show. “David Cameron, 12 points. (Davide le Camerone), douze points”.

8. The rules need to be expanded to outlaw tedious personal stories about going to Hull and finding out the police are ordering a Lexus, or chatting to pensioners in hospitals who want more Rich Tea biscuits on the NHS. It’s like having to sit through someone’s holiday photos

9. Can we please talk about the need for improved kit, helicopters and resources for the armed forces without having to use the word ‘brave’ in every sentence? Or, if not, perhaps we should insist that every time we talk about the NHS we have to call everyone ‘our clean doctors’ and ‘our clean nurses’? Or perhaps all debates about policing we should call them ‘our blue constables’?

10. Someone in the audience needs to leap up in the air half way through and yell “OH, WHO EFFING CARES.”

11. David Cameron’s tie needs to look less like he’s wearing school uniform. Does he only recognise one shade of blue?

12. There needs to be a break half way through the debate so we can all have a valium and so the party leaders can all swear loudly at one another for a couple of minutes to get it out of their system

13. David Cameron has proved that it is possible to be airbrushed in real life, not just on giant billboard posters

14. There is actually a chance that the Liberal Democrats might do pretty well

15. They should have to perform one karaoke song at the end of each debate, in the way that I once had to when I stood at my Student Union

16. David Cameron’s continued desperation to use the word ‘quango’ indicated that he was in the middle of a giant game of Scrabble

17. Nick Clegg was the clever one who wrote the questioner’s names down so he could reel them off at the end. Nice touch

18. The next two debates are going to have to hit the ground running as we can’t sit through half an hour of boring politeness again

19. Gordon Brown’s hand gestures make him look like he is riding an invisible horse

20. David Cameron is going to have to up his game in time for the next one, otherwise he is doing more damage than good…..