Election Betting.com

1. Gordon Brown is the only person in the UK who knows what a double dip recession is. Does anyone else have any idea?

2. Apparently, it’s the same old Conservative party. Yes, the same old Conservative party. Yes – the same old Conservative Party. We get it, PM

3. David Cameron’s ruddy face clashed really badly with the background. He should have gone for a more orange all-over fake tan

4. Nick Clegg doesn’t want to claim his tax credits. Bless

5. ITV and Sky might have had a decent stab at this politics stuff, but the BBC is the natural home for this sort of heavyweight debate. David Dimbleby is a legend

6. Do you think that President Obama is glad that David Cameron agrees with him? If I were Obama, I’d sue

7. Nick Clegg would like to stop ‘freewheeling casino investment banking’. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like James Bond might be out of a job

8. If Gordon Brown doesn’t win the General Election, he could well have a career as a new weight loss guru. I reckon I’d lose a stone on his ‘deficit reduction plan’

9. Nick Clegg must be a qualified doctor. It’s only medical experts that understand that your body ‘will sort of stop’ if you don’t have any blood circulating

10. If you are a teacher, David Cameron promises to patronise you with treacly, insincere platitudes if he becomes Prime Minister

11. It is the second time Cameron has mentioned the Government ‘massage suite’. Is he just upset that no-one has ever invited him to use it?

12. Why did Cameron not have a proper shave? He wants to be Prime Minister and he had the most awful porn star moustache

13. Lord help you if you are on unemployment benefits and you don’t take a job. Cameron and Brown are going to personally come round to your house and frogmarch you to the Jobcentre

14. David Cameron might bang on about the environment, but the product he’s applied to his hair has almost singlehandedly created the entire hole in the ozone layer

15. It is all very well telling children that they can go ‘all the way’ if they go to the best school in the country (Eton costs £28,000 per year)

16. The entire TV schedule between now and polling day is going to be filled with TV debates between every single combination of regional and smaller political parties (If you only get BBC1 Wales, I’d probably unplug the telly and come back after Election day)

17. Children of the 80s are a wasted generation? Blimey, Gordon, that’s a sweeping generalisation

18. David Cameron doesn’t know whether houses valued at less than £250,000 exist

19. Are we going to drive a Chevvy to the bank levy, or perhaps the levy is dry…?

20. 270 minutes of television – and this final debate included – has fundamentally changed both the election process in the UK, and the political landscape for good. We never thought that three weeks ago, did we?